The Power of Perspective
Happiness is just a thought away.
Sooner or later the daily driver comes across it. The stop light that you seem to always get stuck at. You may plan different routes to approach the dreaded light, but no matter which way you approach it you know you seem to always get stuck at it. Or at least it feels like it always happens.
I have a that kind of light that I cross to and from work. There are two ways I can approach the light from different directions but I can’t go around it. I still have to attempt to get through the the relentless gatekeeper. I realized, trying to be cleaver, that a certain direction stayed green longer than the path I usually take. It involved me pulling a U-turn when I left work but I could do that quickly enough and I figured I would give it a try. So on my way home I found myself yanking on the steering wheel to flip around and speeding off too the light only to see the colors change to yellow, and then red. Stuck again. I saw the group of cars I would have been in if I approached the light from the direction that I normally do. Not as cleaver as I thought.
“You’ve got to be kidding me!” I thought. “This light is the worst! It’s like it is just trying to mess with me just to piss me off!” As I saw the group of cars drive off into the distance I became anxious and angry. It reminded me of the opening scene from the movie Office Space where the main character, Peter, is in a traffic jam and the next lane starts moving and so he shoves his way into that lane only to have the lane that he used to be in start moving and then he jumps back to his original lane only to have the same thing repeat itself. It is funny to watch, but for most people it isn’t fun to experience. All the way home I was hypersensitive of all the wrongs that were waiting to ruin my perfect drive (and possibly my perfect day). By the time I got home from work I was flustered and frustrated.
The following day I thought that the traffic light experience was a fluke because statistically I should hit a green light since it stays green longer one way than the other. So I tried again and gave it another shot. I came out of the parking lot, pulled the U-turn, and sped off. As I pulled up to the light once again I experience the light turn yellow, and then red. Stuck again for the millionth time while thinking how this light is the bane of my everyday life. Again, I saw the the group of cars that I would have been in drive off into the distance. I started to feel the same stress, anxiety, and frustration arise internally. But then I decided to focus on something different. I was curious exactly how much time did this “horrible experience” set me back. I counted from the moment the light turned green on the group of “lucky” cars until my light hit green. It was ten seconds. Ten seconds! That is what I was in such a bad mood about? Ten seconds of lost life! I waste more time trying to figure out what movie we will watch at night.
I couldn’t believe that this evil and oppressive light had only taken a matter of seconds, minutes at most on other days, from my life but I would act all day as if the traffic police were stalking me and trying to imprison and innocent man. I decided to find a way to make my traffic stops not just less painful, but actually enjoyable. Insane idea right? As a writer I am constantly listening to books and music to get inspiration. I think about book plots and characters. I ponder about solutions to people’s problems and organizing chapters about it. When it comes to texting and driving that is completely out. However, if I don’t record my thoughts on some kind of organized note I will often forget it by the time my trip is done. I surprisingly have come to enjoy the opportunity to be at a full stop and quickly jot down an idea on my notes that I can look at later. It has gotten to the point that I have actually caught myself saying to a traffic light “Please turn red; please turn red!” From the afore mentioned story you can imagine that this is highly irregular for me.
Everything that irritates us about others [and events] can lead us to an understanding of ourselves. ― Carl Jung
That experience with the traffic light got me thinking about what else I might be overreacting to in my life and how I could look at that situation differently. Look at the photo of the traffic jam above. What feelings bubble up for you as you look at it? Does it immediately cause fear and anxiety? Can you spot the serenity and the opportunity hidden within it? The way we look at a problem is most often at the heart of the problem itself. Most people look at their problems in a way that they want their problems to change and go away. Individuals usually don’t look at their problems as opportunities to learn about themselves and life in general.
Motivational speaker Nick Vujicic was born a paraplegic living life without experiencing it with any arms or legs. He shares that at the tender age of 8 years old he concluded that his life was worthless and that he should kill himself because he would never enjoy a “full” or “normal” life with a job, a wife, a family, and certainly not have any purpose or fulfillment in it. Lucky for the world he did not end his life. Getting out of that depression wasn’t easy for him and it didn’t happen over night but he was able to get to a place where he felt strong enough to start to be a motivational speaker. He has traveled the world as a motivational speaker, has played soccer, golf, gone fishing, and swimming, and so many other thrilling experiences. His beautiful wife Kanae has been with him for almost a decade now and they have four beautiful children together. From his speaking engagements he has provided a comfortable living for his whole family.
If you ever have the opportunity to see Nick in person or just watch a video about him you will notice how happy he seems to be and what a great sense of humor he has. His perspective changed from being worthless and being “less” then everyone around him to being blessed and his disability has enabled him to have opportunities that he wouldn’t have as a full bodied person. Personally, if I had the choice between two speakers that would talk to me about being positive I would much rather spend my money to hear from the paraplegic than the full bodied person about being positive. Wouldn’t you? Nick has learned to stop looking at other people and asking “Why can’t I do that?” or “Why was I born this way or given this awful life challenge?” He focused on what he can do and even some advantages (yes you read that correctly) that his disability could give him as a motivational speaker.
To change ourselves effectively, we first have to change our perceptions. ― Stephen R. Covey
The power of our perspective lies in the questions that we ask ourselves. The problem is that most of us ask poor questions such as “What does this always happen to me? When will I get a break? Why can’t anything good happen to me?” As a result the brain searches for any answer that it can and when there is no logical explanation your brain will make something up and say to you “Because you are a loser. You are not worth God’s time. You are insignificant and unimportant”. If your perspective is always slanted towards what you don’t have your mind will continue to give you that which you dwell on.
The average person today lives life better than many of the greatest kings and emperors did just a few hundred years ago. They didn’t have an iPhone, internet, cars, planes, modern education, and some didn’t even have running water or toilets. Still depression rates are higher than ever. In the depressed person’s mind they know they should be thankful but they can’t help feeling like they got the short end of the stick. This is because they are still focusing, at least in part, on what they don’t have. Nick Vuijicic isn’t looking at other people anymore saying “I know I am alive and should be happy but I still wish I had what I didn’t get and what other’s received”. He didn’t fool himself and neither did you. Life isn’t fair by a long shot. But he, the same as you, can make the choice to focus on what is most important and most worthwhile about life.
When faced with the boons of life try asking yourself a different question that will change the way you approach the problem. Try asking “What is good about this that I didn’t notice before? What am I really excited about in my life that I am looking forward to in the future? What are some of the greatest blessings and experiences in my life so far?” By asking a new set of questions your brain searches for a new set of answers. A new perspective. This is not a gift but a habit. If you practice asking these questions as opposed to the ones that you, and most other people, typically ask then you can habitually become an optimistic and happy person on a daily basis.
You can either be a person that goes around and counts every injustice that happens to you or you can switch your perspective to really open up to all of the wonderous things in your life and the grand opportunities that await you. The choice is up to you. And it is a choice. Next time you find yourself stuck in the traffic stops of life getting ready to swear or have a panic attack see if you can change your perspective to a more pleasant outcome. All it takes is one thought to change the pathways on what direction your thought process will travel in so make it a good one. Who knows what wonderful places it may lead to?
